another day, i wonder how i'll get through it. my brother is visiting me and he couldn't help but notice that i haven't really been myself. we laugh and joke but i thank god he's around right now. you gotta be positive, he says. don't stay stationary, be around friends. i know these things will make me feel better, but i haven't felt like this in a long time. i want to confront it, i want to feel this and move on from it. its a test of my character, me as a person. i'm falling into some pretty deep corners of my mind. places i've visited before but long since forgotten. i wonder how i'll deal with it this time around. im a much different person now... stronger? weaker? i can't tell because its hurting just the same.

i see happy people. they're all around me. people talking to other people. the sweet exchange of innocent words. i don't think i can relate anymore. my words are hollow, they attract unrequited responses. who can blame them? take a look at the circumstances.